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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25388260">I Had To</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/xrabbitxheartx/pseuds/xrabbitxheartx'>xrabbitxheartx</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Andromeda Six (Visual Novel)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Hurt/Comfort</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 12:07:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,857</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25388260</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/xrabbitxheartx/pseuds/xrabbitxheartx</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>June consoles Viola after a violent trauma.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Juniper "June" Nyux/Traveler</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Had To</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Traveler is Viola Peg'asi (she/her).</p><p>This takes place sometime after episode 4.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She doesn’t answer the first knock.</p><p>	June stands outside her bedroom door, knuckles poised tensely just in front of the cold steel. He doesn’t think he has it in him to knock a second time in the face of such deafening silence. But he knows he has to see her; the gnashing, screeching ache in him will hound his sleep even more than usual if he doesn’t. So softly, so soft he fears she won’t hear him, he calls out into the quiet.</p><p>	“Viola? It’s me. It’s…it’s June.”</p><p>	Still no answer. He breathes out a long, shuddering sigh, silently berating himself. Of course she doesn’t want to see him right now, not after what happened. He was selfish to think she could take some of this burning away. He waits for a few more seconds before starting to turn away. Then, even more quietly than his own voice had sounded to him, he hears her.</p><p>	“You can come in.”</p><p>	Relief washes over him like a tidal wave, and he opens the door. She’s sitting on her bed, knees drawn up to her chest and staring at nothing in particular. She doesn’t even look at him when he crosses the room and sits down beside her. The silence can’t have lasted for more than a few seconds, but the longer his words fail him, the farther away she seems to drift from him. He’s surprised when she speaks first. </p><p>	“It was easier than I thought it was going to be.” Her voice is flat and even, completely devoid of any feeling, “Why was it so easy?” His heart sinks at her words; she’s clearly still in shock. He has never felt that shock himself, though he understands it in concept. That cold pit in his chest, that frantic quickening of breath, has simply been a constant companion to him for as long as he can remember. He sighs, casting his eyes down.</p><p>	“I’ve been asking myself that for a long time now. I wish I knew the answer.” He winces as she tightens her grip around her knees, drawing further into herself.</p><p>	He still doesn’t know how those K’Merii soldiers found them. They had appeared out of nowhere, descending on them like rabid wolves. Ambushes are always the worst; the mingled surprise and survival instinct fan the flames in him to a fever pitch, send the animal inside into a howling frenzy, made all the more frantic when he remembers that he’s not just fighting for himself anymore. He had told her to run when they came, immediately set upon by two of them. He let her out of his sight for a moment, just <em>one moment</em> when—</p><p>	He’ll carry that image with him forever. Of the soldier he hadn’t noticed, lurching towards her as she clutched that bloodied knife with all her strength. His voice had ripped out his throat then, calling her name in a painful shout cut short by the other man coming at him again after that split second’s respite. He didn’t see what happened after that, could only stand there helplessly as Viola kneeled there after the fighting was over, pale and shaking and so utterly <em>alone</em>. The rest of the crew had come over then, collectively falling silent as they all realized at once what she had done. She hadn’t said a word since then, just shut herself up in her room the moment they got back to the ship.</p><p>	June didn’t know until today that silence could be so loud.</p><p>	“I’m so sorry, Viola,” he murmurs, “if I had been there, if I had just been watching you, you wouldn’t have had to—"</p><p>	“I wanted to do it.”</p><p>	There’s a painful twisting inside him, his breath catching in his throat. When he doesn’t speak, she continues, the words seeming to tumble out of her in a halted, clumsy stream.</p><p>	“I didn’t tell you before, but he wasn’t coming at me. He didn’t even see me. June, this…” She stops and squeezes her eyes shut, staying like that for a moment before opening them again, “…this isn’t on you. If I had just run like you told me to, this wouldn’t have happened. But there’s no way I could have done that, not when I—you were—” Her voice breaks, “I was just so…<em>angry</em>. That he thought he could take you away from me just like that. It didn’t matter what happened to me then. I just had to keep him away from you. So I’m not sorry that I did it, I’m not sorry I didn’t listen to you. Because it’s what I had to do. I <em>had</em> to.”</p><p>	It all comes flooding back to her then, everything she had kept at arm’s length so she didn’t have to look at it. The stray soldier had crept in from a side alley. June was there but his back was to him, locked in brutal combat with two more of them. She called out to him but he didn’t hear her over the fighting, the soldier raised his pistol and he still didn’t turn around, <em>why wasn’t he turning around</em>—</p><p>	She took off like a shot, running faster than she ever had in her life as the man took aim at June’s back. Her arm almost seemed to move on its own as she came up behind him and plunged her knife into his neck. He’d spun around to her then; it hadn’t been enough to kill him. So she stabbed him again, and again, and <em>again and again</em>, until he wasn’t spinning anymore. At some point she had gotten him down on the ground, so she just sat there with him until it was all over. There had been no profound connection, no moment of transcendence as she felt his life drain away. He just…stopped moving, like a toy that had run out of battery.</p><p>	She didn’t want the others to look at her, not the way they did. It was like nothing she had had ever felt, this rawness and vulnerability and overwhelming <em>shame</em>—</p><p>	“Viola.”</p><p>	The pain in June’s voice forces her to finally look up at him, and she immediately wishes she hadn’t; his face is contorted in torment, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. He leans in and takes her face in his hands carefully, so carefully, as though either one of them could shatter at any moment.</p><p>	“Of course it matters what happens to you. You are the most important person on this ship. We’d be lost without you, in so many more ways than one. And if something ever happened to you, especially if it were because of me, I—I’d never forgive myself. Viola, you’re…” He looks down, the words struggling on his lips. She reaches up and squeezes his hand gently, her heart fluttering painfully as she waits for him to finish.</p><p>	“…you’re everything. And I’m not worth that.”</p><p>	Something breaks in her then, and she wraps her arms around him, burying herself in his chest. He returns her embrace with fervor, holding her tighter than he ever has before. As though he were a drowning man clinging to a life raft. She has no idea how to express what he means to her. A lifetime of royalty, of decorum and restraint and unrelenting obedience, has done nothing to prepare her for this. This feeling, this terrifying, breathless, <em>wonderful</em> feeling, has no place in a princess’ heart. And yet she feels it all the same. </p><p>	“You will always be worth it, June.”</p><p>	He gives a bitter laugh against her and just continues to hold her. They stay like that for some time, words failing them both. But she knows she has to ask him. Eventually, she disentangles herself from him and gently presses her forehead to his. “Can you…stay with me tonight? I can’t be alone, not now.” She sees the hesitation in his grey, beautiful eyes, but he swallows and gives a tiny nod. Relieved, she scoots back on her bed, pulling him along to lie down beside her.</p><p>She feels a blush creep up her neck then as he looks at her, his expression strangely unreadable. After a moment he reaches out, gently tracing his fingers along the curve of her waist, his touch an unspoken request for permission. She gives a faint smile in approval, and he lets his hand settle there, pulling her towards him more firmly. She looks down morosely.</p><p>	“I wish things had been different. I wish all of this didn’t have to happen. But I don’t regret joining this crew, not for a second. It brought a new family to me. It brought…<em>you</em> to me. And I wouldn’t trade that for anything.”</p><p>	June’s expression melts at her words, yet he doesn’t seem convinced somehow. So instead of trying to convince him with more words, she leans in, hesitating for a moment before delicately bringing her lips to his, brushing up against them like two butterfly wings. There are no interruptions this time, no sudden K’Merii attacks keeping them apart. So June kisses her back, tentatively at first, but soon letting himself sink into her, bringing his other hand up to cradle her face. </p><p>	Something is sparked in her then. Since coming back to the ship, she had felt nothing. No regret, no triumph, not even the shame she felt under the crew’s gaze. But with every kiss, every caress and whispered word, it was as though this man were breathing life back into her, little by little. She parts her lips, allowing June to slip his impossibly warm tongue inside. In a strange, inexplicable frenzy, she advances on him, pressing herself against the hard lines of his body and reaching up to entangle her fingers in his tawny hair. She doesn’t want him to stop; she wants him to keep kissing her and touching her, to lay her bare and fill this aching hollowness in her, even if only for a moment. She wants him to make her forget everything, to completely fill her senses until it’s just the two of them alone in this world. And it still wouldn’t be enough.</p><p>	June tenses, as though sensing the urgency in her touch, and he breaks the kiss, pulling gently but firmly away. He looks at her for a moment, his face flushed, the storm brewing behind his eyes clear as day. He wants her. But something is holding him back.</p><p>	“I can’t,” he whispers shakily, “not yet. I’m sorry.”</p><p>	Viola breathes out, offering him a shy smile and removing her fingers from his hair to caress his face. Of course; she was asking too much of him. She murmurs her understanding, nestling her head into his shoulder. He relaxes, encircling his arms around her and enveloping her in his warmth. She has never felt safer than she does in his arms. In that moment, she feels an overwhelming faith that as long as he is hers and she is his, everything would be alright.</p><p>	Her last thought before she drifts off to sleep is if that faith will kill her one day.</p>
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